Bedtime Stories -as Told By Our Dad- -who Messed Them Up _best_ -

. Now, Cinderella was famous because she had a very mean stepmother and two stepsisters who were, quite frankly, terrible at Mario Kart One day, an invitation arrived for a giant

with a spoiler. Then, he turned Cinderella’s pet hamsters into bodyguards

“The duck’s the narrator now. Don’t question it.” Bedtime Stories -as Told By Our Dad- -who Messed Them Up

By the time the Big Bad Wolf arrived, he wasn’t huffing and puffing; he was trying to negotiate a lease agreement because he’d realized the property taxes on a brick house were astronomical. We never found out if the ninjas survived because Dad usually fell asleep mid-sentence while describing the Wolf's 401(k) plan. 2. The Great Name Scramble

, was so impressed by her aim that he asked her to dance to a heavy metal cover of "Wheels on the Bus." Don’t question it

This world-building was confusing, yet strangely compelling. In Dad’s literary universe, the Big Bad Wolf was often dating the Fairy Godmother, and the Gingerbread Man was a fugitive on the run from the IRS. It was a shared universe where logic went to die, but continuity errors were born.

If you grew up with a dad who "messed up" every story he ever told, you’ll recognize these classic symptoms of the Dad-Narrative Style. 1. The "Choose Your Own Adventure" (That Goes Nowhere) The Great Name Scramble , was so impressed

It makes no sense. The plot goes nowhere. And it is absolutely perfect.

In his version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears , the climax wasn’t about the bears finding her in bed. It was about the Papa Bear giving Goldilocks a stern lecture on the importance of "closing the screen door so the flies don't get in."

They were having a great time until the clock started chiming. Bong! Bong!